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| Image credit: The Subversive Lens Facebook page. I just became aware of this writer. |
Back in March, when the idea of what a pandemic meant hadn't yet sunk into my consciousness, I was afraid of what I didn't understand. It has been my nature to believe that things will work out well, to avoid disturbing news and at the same time to feel responsible for everything and fear anything I couldn't control. Needless to say, it was a difficult balancing act.
When I began to grasp the pandemic's enormity, I fluctuated between feeling like self-isolating was really not much different than the way I had chosen to live and a total, all-encompasing fear. I had always lived simply and privately so self-isolating wasn't going to be hard. But it was. I was afraid of so many things that not knowing "the answer" on any subject about how to live through the pandemic was paralyzing. Now, more than three months into things, my anxiety has receded, replaced with a growing bit of resolve. I am grateful for my familiar way of life even with its new restrictions.
This time of Mother Nature firmly kicking our global butts with a pandemic has caused the fragile systems that were holding us together as a country to fray alarmingly. Political systems, health systems, racial inequity, climate change, economic inequity, social support systems, educational systems and more, each in need of attention and overhaul. And the timetable of need so out of sync with the timetable of the possible. Yet, what else is there to do but to press on? Giving up is not an option although getting tired is guaranteed.
I don't presume to have "answers." At the same time my North star remains a future that is fair, healthy and sustainable. Maybe I'm asking for too much, but maybe we - all of us - haven't expected enough of ourselves in the past. Maybe we've waited quietly for others to fix problems we saw. Or looked away when seeing was inconvenient or disturbing. For sure everyone can't do everything, but each of us can learn more about existing problems and engage more to better the situation. Some changes may come in bursts, others may be incremental. All contribute to moving along the path to that North star. Yes, it's going to be exhausting.
